I really wasn't prepared for what the next day was going to bring. I woke up in Chris' arms on the VERY sunny, summer morning. We all got ready and headed for food, then it was time to say our final goodbyes, he had to go back to Australia, his dad was very ill. I had to let him go. I remember standing there, not wanting to look at him because that meant that I had to come to terms with him leaving. He hugged and kissed me and again, "I will fight for you, Richard!"
As I watched the taxi pull away from that corner on 33rd and 1st, I tried to stay standing tall, but deep down inside I was crumbling to the deepest parts of my core. I was off balance. I walked crosstown to 22nd and 8th to be around my friend, Robert.
Later that night, Chris called me from Miami and I remember wanting to be near him. his voice was in my ear, but physically so far away. I couldn't stop crying, but I was going on about my job and duties.
The next week I was a complete wreck, but I remember that Tuesday going to Barracuda and was miserable and then a karaoke contestant started to sing "Someone LIke You" by Adele. I was just about to lose it when Chris called me. I ran outside to take his call and we talked for approximately a hopeful 30 minutes. He surprised me by saying he'd be back in NYC July 30th-August 2nd to see me before going back to Melbourne. I was overwhelmed with joy. When I got back inside, another person was singing "Someone Like You." Coincidence or fate?
When he arrived downstairs on 35th St, I remember shaking from excitement and running down to help him with his bags, dinner on the stove. We smoked a cigarette, hugged and kissed. We got upstairs, and I had things planned already. He was watching TV and eying me as I nervously shook and was clumsy and dropping things. I remember starting to cry from being so happy. My feelings were definitely going into my food. I made him such a great meal with cocktails and all.
After dinner, as I was cleaning up I drew a bubblebath to relax from traveling with a playlist that I hand selected,,, He wanted me in there with him so I sat next to the tub and then I ended up getting in with him and sitting in his arms. He was kissing my neck and I was in HEAVEN. Again, I felt like I was on a cloud. No one has ever made me feel so vulnerable to emotional mumbo jumbo. We were imperfectly perfect!
The next few nights we spent completely alone and together, even if others were around it was like we were the last two people left on Earth. We had a day of debauchery with my friend, Langley. I remember being shit-faced off our tits! Chris and I ended up having a knock-down, drag-out fight over things that we couldn't even remember the origin of. I remember crying as he was walking away from me. It was funny because my straight friend/boss Jacob ended up taking him to XES to cool down and Langley, who lives above XES, took me upstairs to do the same. I can recall the boys coming up to the apartment, Chris sat down on the opposite, and like in a movie, started scooting closer to me and as soon as his arm was around me, I caved into his arms. I was crying waterfalls on him. "You know I wouldn't just leave you like that, Richard..." I was living the fantasy, gay love life out of a movie.
On Tuesday night, we headed to Barracuda (yes, I love Barracuda). It was Karaoke night and we just wanted to hangout with my friend Kevin because he wanted to say bye to my Aussie before he left for the airport a few hours later. I can still feel and smell and sense how it felt to have him put his arms around me as the same kid, Nick, sang "Someone Like You" so beautifully!
Not too much later, we walked back to my place and I broke down on the way and couldn't stand up because I was crying so hard. He was holding me up. He was hugging me and tearing up himself. When we got back, we had 30 minutes to spend with each other. SO I curled up in his arms, my grip was so strong... I didn't want him to leave.
The phone rang and his car for the airport was there, I gave him a jockstrap, sprayed it with my cologne... sounds weird, but he wanted a reminder of my booty, I guess. We walked downstairs and I just remember not being in reality and I was thinking we were just going somewhere together, until they pulled away once again. I wrote him a letter that he didn't open until he left.I poured my heart and soul into every bit of ink I laid on that paper.
Chris is, and will remain to be, my savior from jerks. We broke up after he left, technically, but he taught me how I should be treated by guys, not to change, and go for my dreams. He always called me brilliant, as was what we had, "We'll always have New York," and that seems to be my boyfriend more than anything because of my memories with him. Someone has some big shoes to fill if they want me, but he was really tall with very large feet!
If someone sweeps you off your feet, let it happen because you'll regret not knowing what love is. I learned and was forced to learn quickly. We couldn't have been anymore in our own little world. My friends would tell me how perfect we were together and how much he cared for me, they could see it. I could feel it.
There's always New York, We have New York. We will experience New York again... SOmeday...
That's All!
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