New York City is the heart of the world. There is not one thing that comes to mind that has happened in today's modern world that cannot happen in the "City that never sleeps." The same goes for love and relationships, especially in the depths of the gay scene here in Manhattan.
I have lived in the Big Apple for approximately eighteen months. Throughout those months I have used my experience of dating from my past to help my heart and mind see what is worth the risk. When you're in a small town, one settles, but in what some may call "the greatest city in the world," there are more options that one could imagine. I settled in a small town when I was younger. Then I opened my eyes to the men at the "center of the universe."
When I mentioned love being a risk, it is one of the biggest risks one can take in their life. Love is the emotion that creates happiness, pain and sadness, jealousy, fear, panic, anger, passion, lust, excitement. I guess one could call love a "gateway emotion." Love is the one thing that you can attempt to describe, but never can. It is a "situation" that everyone feels differently. It's a risk that the heart takes without you allowing it. The risk is letting yourself give in to it and hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. If it doesn't work then you have a little piece of you die, but if it succeeds and conquers then you have a romance that is unbreakable.
What if a relationship feels impenetrable, but you are being cheated on? From personal outlook on such matters, I have been the victim and enabler of unfaithfulness. I have the ability from knowing so many people to find out if someone is cheating on me. The scene is only so big until you realize it's a small world. How do these guys get away with infidelity? It's honestly a question I can't answer myself. Since when did adultery become the highway to happiness?
Dates are something I am well acquainted with. It seems that everytime I want to go on a date all that I have to do is send a text message to someone randomly in my phone. There's one problem; however, I tend to get more confused about what I'm truly desiring in a man, I see so much that I like in others, but not what's exactly compatible for me. I'm young, but have fallen in and out of love. I've had the best of sex yet the worst. I am expereienced.
After an attempt at my own life in December 2010, I opened my eyes for the first time in my life. I no longer want to waste my time on someone that isn't promising. I don't want to waste my time on jobs that won't boost my name or underpay me. That's why it's a little disappointing that when I finally find myself falling for someone that it sucks that he lives across the country. I feel in this instance that I really am Carrie and he is Big earlier on. The business man and the gal in NYC trying to make it and having love adn lust mixed. You know you're always going to lust after that one person. It's a connection that I feel deep. We can text and talk and see each other from time to time. I have even had signs- yes, I believe in signs. We aren't staying at expensive hotels or getting expensive dinners, but not stopping the passion. He has BIg's wandering eye, too. I will continue dating, but just like Carrie, I have found my Big. The end results may not be the sum of their ending, but maybe one day it could be. I refuse to think that it's not possible, but as a realist, I don't know if fantasy is going to help. No matter what happens, he is an amazing guy, genuine, and I will always be a really good friend.
That's all!
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